I believe in the basic philosophy of the Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, but I really have a hard time giving words of affirmation. Does anyone have any practical advice on how I can train myself to get better?
Words of Affirmation
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I think it’s easier for some people to be affirming than others, but for the person whose love language is words of affirmation, it’s so important for them to hear the encouragement. One way is to just think of something that person does well and that you admire and just verbalize that. I think when you genuinely believe in what you’re saying, it’s easy to give that affirmation. If you’re not really sincere, it’s difficult to be affirming.
I am a huge believe in Chapman’s Love Language book. I first read it many years ago, and try to re-read it every few years. My daughter’s love language is words of affirmation, and I have learned through the years that when she’s encouraged, it makes a huge difference. People whose love language is words of affirmation are equally torn down by discouraging words–something that people often overlook.
Writing down a list of what you like about the person and then use that as way to review it in your own mind so that you can tell the person something like, “I was thinking about you today and how much I admire you…” or something like that. Or just to tell the person one thing on the list when the opportunity presents itself.
Sometimes I think practicing written words of affirmation is a good way to start. To keep it from being overwhelming you could pick a group of people you want to affirm (maybe a Bible study, a group of people you work or plan things with, family, sports team, old friends, etc…) and write them. Short and sweet is ok.
Another idea is pick someone and watch them for a day and find something you want to encourage them with!
Does that help?
The more you challenge yourself to do it the more natural it becomes as well.